
Moderator: Hello and welcome to the Instant Sunshine Secret Garden Club. You may recall that to become a member of the Instant Sunshine Secret Garden Club, you have to be spotted in my backyard. So far we've added a variety of members to the club such as a bird, a squirrel, a rabbit, a cat, a deer and even a turtle. A turtle? That's crazy! Today I spotted another animal in my backyard. So let's please welcome...A POSSUM!

Opossum: Thank you. It's actually opossum...
Moderator: That's what I said. A possum.
Opossum: No, O...
Moderator: Do you know that
raccoon that kept waking me up in the middle of the night? Could you please tell him to kindly take his late night activities elsewhere?
Opossum: Uh, I'm afraid I don't. I was actually here to talk about some common misconceptions about opossums. Like for example, do you know very few of us carry rabies?
Moderator: That raccoon drove me crazy. I couldn't sleep for months because he would wake me up in the middle of the night every night! I think he's very rude.
Opossum: Uh, yes...anyway, I was going to point out that opossums originated in South America in the late Cretaceous era but can now be found as far north as Canada...
Moderator: Canada? You don't look Canadian.
Opossum: ...well, uh, no, I'm not, but I have relatives who are.
Moderator: You know I don't discriminate against anyone. Americans, Canadians, possums...
Opossum: O-possum
Moderator: ...but those raccoons are no damn good. I have a right mind to call animal control every time I see one. And that's not being racist!
Opossum: ...
Moderator: So you wanted to say something about being a giant rat?
Opossum: That's a common misconception as opossums are actually marsupials like the kangaroo.
Moderator: So now you want to box me?
Opossum: What?
Moderator: Box. You know. Like those kangaroos.
Opossum: Uh...I don't think that's common amongst kangaroos.
Moderator: Well, whatever.
Opossum: Anyway, the opossum has a very varied diet as it can eat anything from plants to small mammals...
Moderator (daydreaming): Who does that raccoon think he is? Partying at all hours of the night. Doesn't he know that working people have to get up early in the morning? And those kangaroos...I bet they're not so tough.

Dream Raccoon: WHOOOOO! What's up dawg? I was just hanging outside your bedroom window chowing down on a late night meal. Gotta keep my stomach full if I want to keep partying ALL NIGHT LONG!! WHOOOO! Wake up dude! Don't be lame! I saw some garbage cans out in front of your house that we can knock over and scavenge through.
Moderator (daydreaming): No, no, leave those trash cans alone and let me sleep.

Dream Kangaroo: Oi, I heard some Sheila here saying he could take me on. Well, I don't need this aggro, but I'd say you're one chop short of a barbie if you think you can beat me.
Moderator: AAAHHHH!!! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP? THE BOTH OF YOU!
Opossum: But there's only one of me here...
Moderator: I was talking to your raccoon friend and your kangaroo brother.
Opossum: Uh, brother?
Moderator: That's all the time we have for today. I'd like to thank my guest, the possum.
Opossum: O-possum.
Moderator: O.K. Fine. A possum. But I don't want to thank that party animal raccoon and that very aggressive kangaroo. They can stay out of my garden for all I care. See you next time!
Labels: I Think I Can Take This Creature, I'm Brian Fellow