You Tell 'Em Joe Pa

From the Associated Press:

Penn State football coach Joe Paterno is lobbying again for major college football playoff, calling the reasons against it "bogus" less than three weeks after the Bowl Championship Series decided to maintain its current format for the foreseeable future.

The 81-year-old coach said Thursday he doubts if a playoff system would be enacted soon, particularly after a May 5 meeting of the 11 Football Bowl Subdivision conference commissioners and Notre Dame's athletic director ended with a decision to reject a four-team playoff and begin negotiations with the television networks with the current system in place.

"I don't think so right now, and I don't know why," said Paterno, who is entering his 43rd season as Penn State's head coach. "I'm only going to be a head coach another 10 or 15 years, and I don't think it will happen by then."

Paterno, whose contract runs through the upcoming season but has not been extended, laughed at his own joke.

Oh, Joe Pa...you are awesome. Don't you ever retire you crazy old bat!

I Don't Care What You Say...

...I like this song by Scarlett Johansson. Sure, it sounds a little familar, but it's hardly the worst example of lesser bands ripping better bands off. I usually don't encourage actors to sing, but I could think of a lot of things worse than an intelligent actress with good taste covering a bunch of Tom Waits songs.

(By the way, what's the deal with Salman Rushdie hitting on her in the video? In terms of cameos, this one is pretty strange, but apparently he has a way with the ladies. Perhaps that explains the fatwa.)

Why I Can Never Watch Sex and the City

I rest my case.

Don't Come On Down

I think everyone 50 or under has spent time watching The Price Is Right and I think most of them understand how to bid on the first product. I can almost hear Bob Barker's voice in my head saying whoever's closest to the actual retail price without going over will win. So that's what makes this clip so amazing. This lady not only screwed up royally with her first bid, but thinks she won! Then she makes a marginally better bid and thought she won again! In fairness to her, Drew Carey totally messed up that second time and told her that she won, but frankly, if I were her, I would've waited for a second just to be totally sure after her first colossal mess-up.

I Don't Know How I Feel About This

From the Onion A.V. Club:

Who saw this coming? The Gong Show will return to television by way of Comedy Central beginning July 17th. The title has changed slightly: It's now The Gong Show With Dave Attell since Attell will take over the hosting duties held by Gong creator Chuck Barris in the show's original '70s/early '80s incarnation.

I certainly loved the Gong Show when it was on. And I like Dave Attell too. This could be O.K. But I'm still skeptical because the potential for failure here is high. It almost seems like the Gong Show could only work in the 70's. Plus, isn't there already an updated primetime version of this? Jaye P. Morgan is rolling over in her grave.

Greatest Comedy Sketches of All Time

Although I should probably have a stronger opinion about this list, I can't really get worked up about it that much. I suppose the thing I find most offensive is there is a guy with the same name as me reviewing the More Cowbell sketch but it's not actually me. I could probably write a thesis on that sketch as opposed to the paragraph this impostor wrote, but I'll spare you.

O.K. After going over it some, I have some definite opinions. I certainly can't argue with the choice for #1 or the other Monty Python inclusions, but I would have included the Batley Townswomen's Guild Re-Enactment of the Battle of Pearl Harbor or Upper-Class Twit of the Year. I was also glad to see The Pre-Taped Call-in Show from Mr. Show, but the "Titannica" and "Lifeboat" sketches should have been on there. The Kids in the Hall have a couple on there, but the fact that "My Pen" isn't on there is ridiculous.

Saturday Night Live is well represented (which it probably should be since it's been on for over 30 years), but it seems to be mostly early stuff which I find slightly overrated. I would have liked to seen more stuff from the Phil Hartman era and maybe one or two of Will Ferrell's better sketches (can't find the best ones online though. Damn you NBC!). I'm not a big fan of Adam Sandler or Chris Farley, but I do love this sketch. I was glad to see that possible my all-time favorite SNL sketch made the top 10 though.

There probably should be some more SCTV sketches with Sammy Maudlin and Bobby Bittman, but at least Ingmar Bergman's "Scenes From An Idiot's Marriage" and Days of the Week are represented. The State is probably overrepresented somewhat, but I still like The State. I wasn't as into Chappelle's Show as other people, but I can see how some of the sketches made it on there.

Well, I spent much more time on that than I thought I would. But given such a controversial topic, I suppose that a lengthly blog post was inevitable.

Put The Reunion Idea Down

Once again, there's a rumor floating around that The Replacements are thinking about getting back together. Check that, it would probably just be songwriter Paul Westerberg and bassist Tommy Stinson (drummer Chris Mars is still retired from music and lead guitarist Bob Stinson is still dead). Again, following my policy of being against bands reuniting, let me plead to Messrs. Westerberg and Stinson to not do it. You'll only lessen the legend of the band that I hold dearly. And I may be wrong, but I don't think you'll really add to your pension fund anyway. You are probably better off working as film-score composers and session men anyway.

Welcome to the Newest Member of Our Garden Club

Moderator: Hello and welcome to the Instant Sunshine Secret Garden Club. You may recall that to become a member of the Instant Sunshine Secret Garden Club, you have to be spotted in my backyard. So far we've added a variety of members to the club such as a bird, a squirrel, a rabbit, a cat, a deer and even a turtle. A turtle? That's crazy! Today I spotted another animal in my backyard. So let's please welcome...A POSSUM!


Opossum: Thank you. It's actually opossum...

Moderator: That's what I said. A possum.

Opossum: No, O...

Moderator: Do you know that raccoon that kept waking me up in the middle of the night? Could you please tell him to kindly take his late night activities elsewhere?

Opossum: Uh, I'm afraid I don't. I was actually here to talk about some common misconceptions about opossums. Like for example, do you know very few of us carry rabies?

Moderator: That raccoon drove me crazy. I couldn't sleep for months because he would wake me up in the middle of the night every night! I think he's very rude.

Opossum: Uh, yes...anyway, I was going to point out that opossums originated in South America in the late Cretaceous era but can now be found as far north as Canada...

Moderator: Canada? You don't look Canadian.

Opossum: ...well, uh, no, I'm not, but I have relatives who are.

Moderator: You know I don't discriminate against anyone. Americans, Canadians, possums...

Opossum: O-possum

Moderator: ...but those raccoons are no damn good. I have a right mind to call animal control every time I see one. And that's not being racist!

Opossum: ...

Moderator: So you wanted to say something about being a giant rat?

Opossum: That's a common misconception as opossums are actually marsupials like the kangaroo.

Moderator: So now you want to box me?

Opossum: What?

Moderator: Box. You know. Like those kangaroos.

Opossum: Uh...I don't think that's common amongst kangaroos.

Moderator: Well, whatever.

Opossum: Anyway, the opossum has a very varied diet as it can eat anything from plants to small mammals...

Moderator (daydreaming): Who does that raccoon think he is? Partying at all hours of the night. Doesn't he know that working people have to get up early in the morning? And those kangaroos...I bet they're not so tough.


Dream Raccoon: WHOOOOO! What's up dawg? I was just hanging outside your bedroom window chowing down on a late night meal. Gotta keep my stomach full if I want to keep partying ALL NIGHT LONG!! WHOOOO! Wake up dude! Don't be lame! I saw some garbage cans out in front of your house that we can knock over and scavenge through.

Moderator (daydreaming): No, no, leave those trash cans alone and let me sleep.


Dream Kangaroo: Oi, I heard some Sheila here saying he could take me on. Well, I don't need this aggro, but I'd say you're one chop short of a barbie if you think you can beat me.

Moderator: AAAHHHH!!! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP? THE BOTH OF YOU!

Opossum: But there's only one of me here...

Moderator: I was talking to your raccoon friend and your kangaroo brother.

Opossum: Uh, brother?

Moderator: That's all the time we have for today. I'd like to thank my guest, the possum.

Opossum: O-possum.

Moderator: O.K. Fine. A possum. But I don't want to thank that party animal raccoon and that very aggressive kangaroo. They can stay out of my garden for all I care. See you next time!